How To Overcome Sexless Marriages

We all know that going to the gym, even when we don’t feel like it, is necessary. Yet, women refuse to have sex with their husbands when they don’t feel like it.

Why not apply the mindset from the former to the latter?

Most women in America have low testosterone levels - 17 times lower than men’s testosterone levels. This means that women are typically only in the mood for sex about one week each month.

Women and men approach sex differently. For women, having less sex can lead to wanting it even less. In contrast, men often crave sex more when they’re not getting it. This is why it’s important for women to prioritize sex in their marriages.

When men tolerate their wives only engaging in sex, affection, and intimacy when they feel like it, it can create bad habits in the relationship long-term.

The Bible shows that a strong marriage takes consistent effort and discipline. But why?

When husbands and wives put each other’s needs first, their bond grows stronger (Phil. 2:3, 4). Both should be sensitive to each other’s emotional and sexual needs.

Unfortunately, some women hold back affection or avoid intimacy, and some men might think showing tenderness is unmanly.

The Bible advises, “Husbands should try to understand the wives they live with” (1 Peter 3:7). Husbands need to realize that intimacy is about more than just physical connection.

Wives are more likely to enjoy intimacy when their husbands show love and affection outside of just sex. When both husband and wife show love and care, they’re more likely to meet each other’s needs emotionally and physically.

It takes consistent discipline to make this a habit, especially if it wasn’t always part of the marriage in the beginning. This is what we see with over 50% of marriages today in sexless marriages.

It takes unlearning bad habits, which is a mindset shift.

Although lack of intimacy isn’t an excuse for unfaithfulness, it could lead a spouse to seek affection elsewhere (Prov. 5:18; Eccl. 9:9). This is why the Bible urges couples not to withhold intimacy from each other unless it’s a mutual agreement for a set time (like children, pregnancy, etc.).

A strong marriage isn’t about “me” but about both sides seeking each other’s advantage. When intimacy is given as an act of love and not just a duty, it strengthens the marriage.

Sex is the glue in the relationship, and spouses who get comfortable, putting less effort into their marriage and health, will affect the bond between husband and wife.

In conclusion, showing love, affection, and intimacy isn’t just something you do when you feel like it. When wives put their husbands’ needs ahead of their own, they will find that their husbands will want to please them just the same.